Excerpt: Thunder
Book 1: Big D!ck Escort Service Series
Chapter 1
Madison clutched the worn tabletop in desperation, hoping she didn’t get a splinter from the ancient wood. “No. Please. Don’t do this, Frank. You can’t leave me now. Not right before the wedding.”
“Madison, sweetie, we both know it’s over.” He shook his head apologetically. None of the hair plastered to his scalp moved. Not even in the flow of air from the fan. His butt squeaked as he shifted on the torn plastic seat of the diner booth. “We’ve grown apart. Have been for a long time. We, as a couple, don’t make sense anymore.”
“Frank, please,” she begged, barely seeing the meal set in front of her by the suddenly solemn waiter. When he was gone, she leaned forward so the other occupants in the half-filled—and long since ready to be demolished—diner wouldn’t hear her pleas for pity. “Not now, Frank.”
“Nothing will change, Madison. Let’s be honest here.” He lowered his voice. “I don’t love you anymore.”
She waved the sentiment away. How could he talk about love at a time like this? “That’s been a problem forever. But you have to hang on for a few more weeks, Frank, please. Just three more weeks, and then I’ll dump myself. Seriously. No hard feelings. I’ll walk right out of your life, no hassle.”
Frank’s expression crumpled into one of confusion. Granted, he’d probably expected she would be a puddle of tears at the moment, but he was right. They’d been growing apart. They both knew it. She’d dealt with it because of the wedding. She’d held on, ignored the loneliness, and even his extracurricular activities, all so she could breeze through the wedding and put that milestone behind her. After that, she had always intended to put a stop to the insanity.
That he would end it three weeks before the single most important event she could remember was unacceptable. Why not cut things off a few months ago, leaving her with enough time to find someone else? Or just wait a little longer? He knew the situation with the wedding. Doing this right now was a slap in the face. It wasn’t something a friend would do. Or even a normal person with an ounce of moral fiber. A person didn’t leave a desperate girl high and dry to suit their own needs. Everyone knew that.
He put his hand on the table between them, what he thought was a subtle means of quieting her. She’d always hated when he did that. It made her ragey. “I’m sorry, dumpling,” he said. Another thing that made her ragey—being called a lumpy, misshapen type of food. “Maybe you can get your brother to go with you to the wedding. But really, I don’t think it would be right, do you?”
“My brother in your place? No. That wouldn’t be right, no.” Madison leaned back in her chair, thinking. “Okay, check this out. How about we break up, like you want, but not announce it until after the wedding? That’s a happy medium, right? You do your thing, as you would, but with the exception of following through like you promised eight months ago when this came up.” She wiped her forehead and focused on simmering down for a moment. Getting hysterical was a sure way to scare any man off, and this one more than most. He’d seen her lose her temper in the past. It wasn’t pretty when she really got going. “Sorry about that. Anyway, we wait just three tiny weeks to announce our breakup, we hang out for that one evening, and then we’re done.”
“I really don’t think—”
“I mean, it’s free food. I’ll buy all your drinks. It’s even close to town. It’ll be fun.” She was back to pleading. “It’s just one day of your life, Frank. Just one day. Then you can move on. We can both move on. Or not, depending on whether we—I—want to bother. Which, as it stands, I really don’t. Men are so much effort.”
His brow rumpled and his mouth dropped open.
No, this was definitely not going how he’d thought it would.
Which made her wonder: had he timed it this way to get a bigger impact out of the whole thing? Something told her he had. He was purposely leaving her high and dry to make sure she felt the full weight of the situation.
Well. She felt it, all right. In the scorned woman sense. Nothing good ever came out of creating a scorned woman. Nothing at all. Unless disaster and chaos were the goals. In which case, mission accomplished.
She threw up her hands. No use kicking a dead horse. Though she did actually want to kick Frank. “Fine. You win. You’ve done what you came to do. Go on, then. I’ll figure something out.”
“I really think this is best,” Frank repeated, his attempt at an apologetic expression ruined by a look of lingering confusion.
She picked up her fork and knife, but hesitated when he didn’t get up to leave. She quirked an eyebrow, wondering if he thought a last supper was in order.
“There’s one more thing,” he said in a placating voice. She narrowed her eyes at him. “Since you fought so hard to keep your old apartment, for just such a situation, I gather, it’s probably best if I keep ours. It’s only right.”
The dirty little—
Madison worked at simmering down again. Of course he’d bring it around to that. He always did. They’d fought about it constantly. He’d never accepted that it had nothing to do with him. Or them as a couple.
She’d had no choice but to keep the apartment. It wasn’t like she’d ever used it. And given that she’d always paid more than half of their expenses as a couple—plus the rent for the old apartment on top of that—he had no right to complain. That he would turn around and throw that in her face now was…distasteful. Disrespectful. A real dick thing to do.
She schooled her facial expression. There was no point in going into it. Clearly she’d made the right choice in keeping it. At least she had somewhere to go.
“Don’t worry, though.” He patted the table as though patting her hand. “I’ll help you move out.”
She noticed he didn’t mention giving back the deposit she had paid in its entirety. Or all the effort she alone had expended to get that apartment in the first place. He certainly didn’t mention the money he still owed her for all the debts she’d helped him pay off.
Anger sizzled just below the surface. This man was tap-dancing on her last nerve.
“And how did you plan to afford the apartment?” she asked in a light voice, cutting into her overdone, dried-out steak. Normally she would never, ever order a New York strip steak from a greasy hole-in-the-wall diner, expecting exactly the sort of dish she’d been served. But Frank had magnanimously offered to pay this time, something he never did. She’d seen the writing on the wall, and had therefore ordered the most expensive thing on the menu. She’d eat it all, too. At least while he was watching. Then take his cheapo pasta dish for good measure. She just had to chase him out first.
That shouldn’t be too hard.
“Will the new girlfriend pay more than her fair share to keep you afloat, like I did?” Madison raised her eyebrows in question as she popped the piece of steak into her mouth.
The guy sitting at the table next to them jerked. His sideways lean spoke volumes. He’d just found a live soap opera to pass the time.
“Or did you get a promotion you never mentioned?” Madison chewed, a lesson in jaw strength and patience.
Frank’s smile flash-froze. Alarm bled through his gaze. Madison didn’t know if it was because of the promotion, which had been a total guess—he better not have gotten one and failed to mention it!—or the new girlfriend, who wore a startling shade of pink lipstick and a truly pungent variety of floral perfume. Frank was slow to do laundry. The writing hadn’t just been on the wall. It had been on the shirt. And button fly.
“She’s not… I don’t have… I mean…” He trailed off.
So this was about the girlfriend. Thank God. Madison had been about to hang him upside down by his ankles to shake the extra money out of his pockets.
“You didn’t think I knew?” Madison smiled. “How could I not? For months my monogamous relationship has been with my vibrator. Of course I knew. Suddenly I was having orgasms.”
The guy next to them sprayed food all over his table in an unfortunate spit take. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and coughed to hide his shuddering laughter.
“Anyway. It doesn’t matter. I don’t need help moving out. I’ll just grab the few things I need. You can keep the rest. Since I have my own place, and all.” She scowled at him before swallowing the lump of steak that refused to be chomped any further.
“This really is for the best,” Frank said with a red face.
Madison slowed her attack on the steak when he picked up his fork.
She quirked her eyebrow. “What are you doing?”
“What?”
“Are you planning to eat that?” She pointed at his dish with her knife. Her choice of cutlery should’ve been a hint.
“Well…I did say I was paying.”
“You came in here to break up with me at the worst possible time, after cheating on me for months and shoving me out of the shared apartment you wouldn’t have without me, and you’re under the impression I want to have a meal with you?” She rested her forearms on the table and leaned forward. The guy next to them shook his head while wiping food off his table. “Hard no. You need to leave.”
“But…my food…”
“Hard no.”
He frowned at her before looking around for the waitress. Being that Madison had seen people head to the cash register on the counter in the front to pay their bills, he wasn’t looking for the check. He planned to take his food to go.
“Nope. Off you go.” She motioned him away. Still with the knife. “Get out, or I’ll make a scene.”
A disbelieving smile crept up his narrow face. He wrinkled his sizable nose. “Madison, honey, come on now. Be rational.”
The man next to them stilled, probably thinking someone named Frank was about to get stabbed with a dull knife.
Madison raised her voice. “How dare you! You broke up with me, but you’re still trying to control my eating?” She let her face fall in misery. “Well, not any more! I’m going to eat for once. I’m not going to let you tell me I’m fat. Not this time. No, you just head off to your new lover. I’ll be fine.”
The proverbial needle scratched as it slipped off the record. A quarter of the patrons, all of them women, turned in their seats. Angry gazes swung Frank’s way.
In contrast, guys shook their heads and hunched over, knowing how dumb it was to break up with a girl in a public place—and how much stupider it was to also tell said girl she was fat. They probably expected all the women to join together, grab pitchforks, and start lopping off their prized parts. Soon there would be a riot of men running from the diner.
“Well, if you’re sure you’re okay…” Frank edged out of his seat, obviously torn between his untouched plate and the violent stares from the other women.
“I’m devastated,” she hollered. “Devastated! I suppose you’re going to try to get custody of Shamus, even though I was the one who raised that dog. And fed him. And walked him…” She huffed, an action mirrored by half the audience. “Just go.” She shook her head. “Just go.”
Frank’s confusion was back. Probably because they didn’t have a dog. “Okay. If that’s what you want,” he said.
“Sir.” She motioned at the waiter, then pointed at Frank. “He’ll need the check, please. He’s headed to the cash register.”
Madison turned back in her seat and took a shuddering breath. All for effect, of course. She couldn’t let the others know that she was hamming it up. They’d turn on her. She’d be chased out right behind Frank.
“I hope you don’t mind me saying,” muttered the busybody at the next table. He wiped his mouth with a paper napkin and scooped his check off his table. “But you can do better.” He tipped his hat and slid out of his chair.
That was a little bit of a backhanded compliment. She’d just gotten dumped by a guy who apparently wasn’t good enough for her.
People were odd.
She sawed into another bite of steak, her mind returning to her predicament. Panic dripped down her middle.
Three weeks.
She only had three weeks to find a date to her ex-boyfriend’s wedding. Three weeks to find someone who would impress the guy who had stolen her virginity, crashed her car, and broken her heart.
What the hell was she going to do?
An hour, a takeaway box of Frank’s untouched dinner, and a blank slate of ideas later, Madison let herself into her little apartment on the bad side of town. The smell of clean cotton air freshener greeted her. The keys clinked as they fell into the porcelain bowl by the door. She threw the lock and sighed. Home. Real home, not the space she’d shared with Frank. The one place in the world that was solely hers. Plenty of space for her clothes, a spot for her toothbrush that no one messed with, and a remote that was left on the coffee table unless it was needed. There was none of this holding the remote at all times nonsense in her apartment. Because honestly, how could a person relax if they were constantly concerned about changing the channel?
They couldn’t. Which was one of the reasons she’d finally admitted to herself that Frank was not her speed. Too keyed up.
“Hey.”
“Ah!” Madison kicked out, swayed, and fell back against the front door. Her heart punched her ribcage. “What the crap…”
She clutched her chest as Janie sauntered out from the hallway, holding an apple.
Solely her home, except for the constant stowaway with her own key.
“I hate you,” Madison said as she pushed away from the door.
“Good thing you took that self-defense class.” Janie bit into the apple and talked through a full mouth. “It came in handy just there.”
“I didn’t want to drive you to the hospital, that’s all.” Madison crossed the teeny living room/dining room and stalled as she entered the kitchen. She held up Frank’s dinner. “Are you hungry?”
“No thanks.” Janie followed Madison and leaned against the small island, which acted as a division between the kitchen and living room/dining room. “So? Was it what you were expecting?”
Madison tucked the to-go box into the refrigerator and pulled out a beer. She held it up in a silent question.
Janie scowled and switched her gaze to the cabinet above the stove. “Something stronger.”
Complying, Madison returned the bottle of suds to the fridge and took down the tequila for margaritas. “Yeah. He ended it.”
“Asshole.” Janie came around the island. She took down two shot glasses and banged them on the counter. “He was a douche, but we shall say goodbye like he wasn’t.”
Madison pulled her lip through her teeth. “Actually, after a year of distance, it doesn’t seem like a tequila kind of night.”
“Vodka?”
“Vodka martini. Dirty.”
Janie’s eyes glimmered and a smile played on her lips. “I like your style. Sit. I got this.”
Madison walked around the counter and seated herself. She eyed the invitation on the fridge and felt her heart sink. “I knew it wouldn’t last with Frank. I knew it wouldn’t. I should’ve ended it when that invitation came so I could find someone else. Eight months would’ve been plenty of time.”
“Number one…” Janie had abandoned the apple on the counter, half-eaten, to make their drinks, but she paused for long enough to hold up a finger. “You need to do something besides obsess about James. You guys broke up a long time ago, and he wasn’t that awesome in the first place.”
“He broke my heart so bad I still haven’t found all the pieces. He humiliated me.”
“So? That’s what first love is: conquering all your firsts, followed by horrible heartache that makes you want to break glass with your fist and use one of the shards to kill your ex. Bully to you for not doing it.”
“Not everyone is that violent—”
“Yes they are, they just don’t admit it.”
“—and first-love heartache doesn’t happen to everyone.”
“No, some do the heart-breaking.”
Madison ran her fingers through her hair. “Whatever. The point is, he invited me to his wedding because he must occasionally think about me.” Madison ignored Janie’s dramatically rolled eyes. “I want to prove I’m valuable. That I’m desirable. That he didn’t curse me to spinsterhood for the rest of my life. Which is not to say that I don’t want to be single. I do. I need a break from guys. But James can’t see me alone, or he’ll think I’m lonely. Before you say it, yes he will. Society views single women as pitiful creatures who can’t get a guy.”
“Since when do you care what society thinks?”
“Are you not listening? I don’t care about society. I care about James. It’s like a high school reunion. I want to be the awesome nerd who made something of herself.”
“Um, hello? You did make something of yourself.” Janie shook the martinis vigorously, as if to underscore her argument. “You have some sort of high-powered job I’ll never understand, you make bank, and you could afford to keep your own apartment even after moving in with Frank the douche, maintaining your independence. You’re awesome, girlfriend, and you did all of that on your own. James can suck it. What he did didn’t define you.”
“I didn’t say it did. I said he humiliated me. I want to punch him in the face with the knowledge that he was wrong, and I am awesome.” Madison held up a hand. “I know you think I’m awesome. I got it. But I want him to think I’m awesome. That’s all.”
Janie expertly poured the drink, experienced from one of her many low-paying jobs. She handed it over. “You want visible revenge, yes. I get it. I’m just yanking your chain.” Janie poured her own drink. “Too bad you’re not a guy, because going single would have been a power move.”
“How do you mean?” Madison grimaced from the tang of the first sip.
Janie leaned against her elbow, contorting her body in ways only an experienced yoga person would consider comfortable. “You have a great bod, a good face, a great income, and you’re powerful. If you’d gone alone as a dude, it would’ve been a statement that you’re fulfilled just as you are.” She rolled her eyes. “But you got the girl card, m’dear. You can repopulate the world, but you’re not allowed to be alone and happy. That simply isn’t right. Too bad for you.”
Madison laughed into her martini. She held it up. “Thank God for these, then, huh? Alcohol doesn’t judge.”
“Friends don’t judge, either.” Janie smiled. After they each took another sip, her face dropped a little again. “So you’re not sad about Frank? It was a long time.”
Madison briefly thought over the five years they’d been together, then the two years they’d been friends before that. All that time, and now it was over. Just like that.
Well, to be fair, their relationship had dwindled long before either of them had acknowledged the growing distance. It was like a seedling had found all the cracks in the relationship and taken root. By the time they’d acknowledged its existence, the damn thing was twenty feet tall. After that, it hadn’t taken long for the wall to give way and Frank to find someone new.
Madison really should have ended it last year, for both their sakes. But that invitation had arrived and taken over her thoughts. What better way to show she could keep a man than one she’d been with for years?
Except then he’d dumped her. Poetic justice. She had to own that she half deserved this.
Maybe less than half. At least she hadn’t cheated. Or lied. The ass.
Madison flicked her hair, needing movement to distract herself from the emptiness she suddenly felt. Maybe their love had been over, but they had been companions. That spot in her life was now empty. It would be an adjustment. She said as much.
Janie nodded gravely, watching her closely. Ready to run interference if the situation should come to tears, no doubt. Janie was a true and great friend. She would rush to support Madison in any situation.
“I think Frank was waiting for me to end it.” Madison traced the bottom of her martini glass. “He usually let me take the lead in the relationship—”
“Forced you to take the lead, more like.”
“—so he was waiting for me to end it. I didn’t because of James’s save-the-date. In the end, I guess Frank just got tired of waiting.”
“Or his new girlfriend did.”
“Or that, yeah. She’s probably been pining after that apartment for a while. I wonder what she does that she can afford it.”
“They probably can’t. Frank’s about to get a rude awakening now that he can’t mooch off Mommy Warbucks anymore.”
“In other words, kiss him paying me back goodbye.”
“Like he would have ever paid you back. Give me a break. Tell me you knew better.” Janie stared her down. “Tell me.”
“Oh shut up.”
“That counts. Deflection counts.” Janie laughed and flicked a crumb from the counter onto the floor. That was cleaning up, in her opinion. “Relationships always seem completely one-sided and rotten after the fact, but at least you loved each other at one point. Can you pinpoint when it fizzled out?”
Madison shrugged. “Hard to say. The spark between us never really turned into the bonfire of passion I’d hoped for. But it just simmered and then went out. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, and if he hadn’t stood me up for this wedding, I would have been willing to stay friends.”
“No way would his new girl allow that. No. Way.” Janie took a sip. “And just so we’re on the same page, you know that no one liked him, right?”
“People liked Frank!”
“No. Literally no one liked him. He was never, even on his best days, good enough for you. Besides that, he hated that you made more money than he did. He resented you for having a better job.”
“No he didn’t. He was happy for me.”
Janie shook her head. “Agree to disagree.”
Feeling a scowl coming on, Madison looked away. It wasn’t worth mentioning that all of this was coming from a woman with an on-again-off-again boyfriend. That Janie probably wasn’t the best source for relationship insight. But it didn’t matter. What was done was done. And besides, Janie was touchy at best about that lover of hers. She was liable to stab Madison in the eye for bringing it up. A girl just never knew, where it concerned Janie. That was half the fun.
“I guess I can’t go to James’s wedding,” Madison said. “He’ll probably think I’m canceling because I don’t have a date. Which is true.” She crinkled her nose and drummed on the counter. “This really sucks.”
“Just get a date for the thing.” Janie shrugged. “That’s easy enough for you. There are, like, eight hundred people desperate to bone you in your office.”
“Your sarcastic faith in me is really something. I’m overwhelmed with all the love in this room.”
Janie laughed and grabbed the bottle to make them another round of drinks. It would be a dirty night. “But seriously, just get a date. You don’t have to know the guy.”
“I kinda wanted a steady thing to prove I’m stable. You know, since he accused me of being a psycho when he broke up with me.”
“So get your date to pretend you’ve been together for a while. This is not rocket science.”
“Oh sure, yeah. That’s not awkward or anything. I’d have to babysit the date and help him act? Are you trying to set me up for suicide?”
“Oh my God. Do I have to do everything for you?” Janie abandoned the martini and stalked from the room.
“I don’t mean this the way a guy would or anything,” Madison hollered at her retreating friend, “but are you PMSing? Because you’re all over the place.”
Janie marched back in with a card in her hand. She thumped it down on the counter. “Yes. I am. I feel as big as a house, you don’t have any chocolate, and despite hating to cry in front of people, I want to sob. Okay? Call that fucking number, bitch, and let’s lament that Frank the wonder chump is out of your life.”
“I’m afraid of you right now.”
“That is wise.” Janie went back to Dr. Vodka.
Madison picked up the card and read the front with a crooked grin. “Big Dick Escort Service?” Giggles bubbled out. “Are you for real?”
“Yes, actually. You get what you pay for. They’re expensive, but they’re professional.”
“Their name is Big Dick Escort Service, and you’re saying they’re professional?”
“They don’t work in a high rise like you, no, but they know their business.”
“The business that this card boasts is just over two years old? A whole two years?”
Janie started to chuckle helplessly. “Yes, okay, so there are some issues. Like that weird dick and balls in the logo. But seriously, I know a friend who used them and everything was professional. He didn’t hit on her or act sleazy in any way. I guess he was really charming. He picked her up like a date, took her to her business dinner, chatted or whatever, and took her home. That was it. No biggie.”
“Are they hot?” Madison flung down the card.
“She said the guy was smoking. Like”—Janie fanned herself—“smo-king.”
“Escort services are usually for sex.”
“Not always, but they do that, too. On the down-low, obviously.”
“Oh, ew. I’m not hiring a hooker to go to James’s wedding with me. That’s the opposite of what I’m going for.”
Janie sipped her martini. When she set it down, she threw Madison a glare. “Do you want to see my ragey side?”
“No, thank you.”
“No, thank you is right. What did I just say? You don’t have to hire him for sex. Just hire him for the thing. How did a dumb girl like you get so far in the export business?”
“We import.”
“Whatever.”
Madison patted the card. “I’m going to stick to maybe on this one. I’ll look it up, but if the website has pictures of women licking chocolate off guys’ junk, I’m out. Oh, and if there’s an obscene amount of A) pink or B) glitter.”
“Chocolate. Ugh.” Janie bent and banged her head off the counter. “I so wish you had chocolate. But in related news, these guys aren’t strippers.”
“So you say.” Madison fingered the card again. If they were in any way decent, it might not be a bad idea.
And the fact that she was contemplating an escort service, which sold sex, as a viable alternative to her problem really said something about her level of desperation.
She flicked the card away. “Are you staying here right now, or what’s your living situation?” she asked Janie. “Just in case I want to get eight cats and use the spare bedroom for an asylum.”
Janie made a sound like “Meh,” and straightened up to take a swig. “I have a place for a while. I’ll stay with you tonight, and then you’re on your own. I got shit to do.”
“Yes. Paintings don’t paint themselves.”
“Nor do they sell themselves, which is the problem. Drink up, lady, so I can talk you into using an escort service, and then forever hold it against you.”